Day 8

Okay so I've not been doing a day to day account of this Lenten commitment and it's not because I've been slacking. (even though I have been)  It's understandable considering that I have a shit load of things on my plate.  AGAIN.  I've been doing not too badly on the 200 situps a day. I did miss the ENTIRE damn weekend of doing them though.  I haven't done a jumping jack yet LMAO! I have been writing and not complaining OR whining OR procrastinating. 

That's the big part for me.  Now the weight issue or workout issue may have a HUGE turn of  luck but I won't know until after Monday at 6pm.  I wanna do salsa lessons but they begin next week and well...it depends on Monday's news as well. LOL. 

The book MPMF is done. IT went to print on Saturday and well I still need to find the damn money to fulfill my March 1st obligation! YIKES!  I think I have it. 

I still haven't received the text book I ordered last week I have HOMEWORK people!  oops is that complaining?  I hope not.  LOL

I miss my friend over at Feed your Soul (insert sad missing you face here!)

Okay well back to work. Statistics and Calculus are calling me

Day one

No whining today. NO procrastinating.  Just finished 200 crunches. Menses ended so no craving for Chocolate Bar. I did want some ice cream though.

Writing...I guess I'll do my best to squeeze in 30 mins and the meditation is not looking to good right now. I"m pooped. Now I could just write here but that's not the same.  I did discover something today...My prayers are heard and responded to accordingly.  I'm REALLY thankful however I"m also like DANG! did I ask for that?  YEP.

BIG SMILE inserted here!

I spoke on the phone with a friend today and she stated an observation about me. She says you LIKE attention. You enjoy being noticed HOWEVER only when you want it and for the duration that you are comfortable with it.  You are like...yes and all smiles then when it gets to be too much you are like Whoaaaaaaaa back up.  LMAO !  it's really true I never thought of it that way.

So that's been day one.. nothing too spectacular. OH I filed my taxes!  That's a plus for sure! 

Okay good night.

40 days..

Okay so i'm not catholic however I did attend a catholic highschool, private AND all girls.

We practiced lent as most girls did, speaking on what we'd give up for 40 days. chocolate,candy, chewing gum, lying, french fries etc.

As i've gotten older I have reversed it and instituted what I would vow to do for 40 days instead of what would I give up.

At age 42 i'm going to lookat it even more different LL

I have a list of things to consider.

1. no chocolate cake or ice cream
2. no procrastination
3. no whining

or I could institute some things
1. write every day for 30 mins at least
2. do 200 crunches a day
3. do 200 jj's 3xs a week
4. meditate for 15 mins every morning and evening

maybe I can combine the two. 
I have a few days...only a few...I'll keep ya posted on what I decide.

...

so i'm stressed.  youngest not doing so well.  shortcuts to success not panning out so well. oldest is pushing forward with transitions.  I'm just staying out the way.  Moon time is here so my reflection is deeper than normal.  experiencing that dark loneliness again. realization that i am not okay with just me.  I have people around but they are just around.  i really just need to push beyond this shitty feeling.  it's not easy. i feel like folks only want me around for a few reasons and then that's it.  sometimes i feel like no body wants me around at all.   well it's 4 i have 3 hrs before this dinner. so i guess i'll get out and force myself to play for a while. i still don't have shit to wear.  damn.... okay get up and get outta here...  before the tears come again

overwhelmed

Be careful what you pray for...the Universe listens and answers

I requested a semester of no working. A semester to attend school full time.  I asked for financial blessings to cover me and my family during this time without concern of how to make ends meet (no pun intended on my dba)  I asked for minimal distractions.  

I got what I asked for and MORE. The loans and grants are plentiful, I am in school full time beginning this semester with a 3.44 gpa.  My family is all here, soon we will all be full time students.  Support, I have friends and "family" who are cheering me on.  BUT....

I'm not resting well, my eye is jumping often, my back aches, my neck aches, i'm not grasping all the information, my time management sucks and my body hurts from walking across campus every day (oh and the 2 to 3 flights of stairs to get to my destinations)  

I don't have anyone to love on me and I am overdue for some mind blowing sex. yep I said it. I'm 42 years old and I've never had an orgasm. But that's another blog. 

So (exhaling) I refuse to give up or drop any classes but I gotta get my head wrapped around this shit. I'm setting an example I know so I can't lose my grip now.  I wanna cry but that would only slow me down and I have algebra that I dont' understand to finish tonight before I retire.  

 I realized that I"m just living for the end of the semester. Next semester is NOT going to be this packed with hard ass courses. WTF was I drinking?  

You'll never be given more than you can bear...

Just keep reminding me of that every damn day because I'm soooooo ready to lay down and cry.