Disconnecting

sometimes I feel like I'm holding a conversation by myself. When I talk for minutes, hours, days and still the person, people that I think I'm talking with just don't hear shit i'm saying.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm just going thru the motions of things. moving my mouth but nothing is coming out ON PURPOSE. I really don't want to let them know what i'm thinking because I really don't feel like explaining my damn self. Ya know.

sometimes...I just ain't feeling this thing...

Losing battle

I fought hard against something I didn't understand. yet he knew all along that I was to be his. Allowing me to toil and resist his advances he let me exist in a false sense of control. He knows that at any moment all he has to do is reach out and kiss me. All he has to do is use that "key" he has gotten from somewhere to open my heart and hold it just long enough to let me realize he is there. All he has to say is " I got chu baby..." and I melt.

I know that part of me wants to lose this battle because I've tired of being who I've been and to just be a woman with a man sounds so nice but damn it I don't want another disappointment. He has me wanting to feel, breathe and smile again; taking me up soo high that if I fall this time...I don't think I'll recover if it's not real. Definitely need ju ju then LOL.

How can I compete with an answered prayer? do I really want to?

What the body remembers

I need a wipe down. you know like cleaning a motherboard of a computer..LOL

It's amazing, the human body that is. That one can get it cosmetically altered, the mind counseled and still those damn DNA cells will hold memory of things you really fight to forget.

Deoxyribonucleic acid will hold that shit in place hidden even from you until something happens an even if your mind can't remember your body will react and respond on it's own.

Can I get a new memory chip? I'm sure they have those out there that override the DNA programming...